Special Needs Parenting Takes Courage
I have been working on self-care for a while now. Nine months ago, I started to journal every day; it became the same entry day after day, so I tried something new. While at a Kripalu yoga class the teacher brought out these cards to help you set your intention for your practice, and I really loved one of the decks called Empowering Questions, so I bought them, and started using a different card for my daily journaling. I thought I would share with you my journal entry for today. I really believe many of you can relate. I truly hope you realize how amazing you are every single day.
Today’s Card
What is the most courageous thing you have done?
How did it make me feel?
I would have to say being Josh’s mom is the most courageous thing I have ever done.
It wasn’t really a choice, so I didn’t need to overcome my nerves to be his mom. I loved him before I met him. The moment that I first laid my eyes on him that love exploded well beyond anything that I had ever felt or known. In that sense it took no courage at all.
What takes courage is watching your child have a seizure for more than twenty minutes, and doing everything you can to save his life.
Courage is walking him back to the operating room before a life-threatening surgery; singing his favorite songs, reciting his favorite books, and kissing his forehead as the mask is placed over his nose and mouth to make him go to sleep, so he is not scared, but you are terrified. I watch as his body twitches and jerks with a smile on my face, so he feels loved and safe. Courage is setting aside my fear so his fear can subside.
Courage is spending years of your life researching old and new technologies that may help your child. Or moving from state to state in the hope that the right resources will be there.
Courage is having fundraisers for your child, because he deserves equipment, therapies, or medical procedures that insurance won’t cover. Yet, you feel humiliated that you must ask for financial help.
Courage is standing up to doctors, nurses, schools, therapy programs, and government agencies that deny your child his basic rights. Again, making sure that you are armed with knowledge, not just emotion. Also, being prepared for the long fight, because nothing ever seems to get resolved quickly in the special needs world.
Courage is walking away from family and friends that don’t see the beauty and potential in your child; even if that means you are you on this path alone.
Courage is enduring this fight day in and day out and never giving up.
However, I have never needed courage to love my son; that comes so easily. He is the most beautiful and innocent human I know. I will fight through my fear and find my courage every day for him.
The reason why I share this journal entry is to remind you that even when the road seems long, winding, and bumpy you are still on it you didn’t turn around. You haven’t quit, you keep fighting. On the days that you are tearing yourself apart I want you to remember your strength and to see all the incredible things that you have accomplished,
There is nobody quite like you. On the days that you feel worthless and completely defeated I want you to imagine your child’s life without you.
You are so much stronger and braver than you know!
You deserve that credit.
Michelle Finn
